I stood by you through the drugs and alcohol and the rehab.

I stood by you through the other women

I stood by you when people thought you were gay.

I loved you in a real and amazing way

You could have loved me back.   In my head we were the perfect couple.

You could have loved me back.   If you knew I existed.

Then you went and got married.     And I died a little inside.

I still love you and I always will.

Goodbye Robbie, until your next cd comes out, we are officially over.

Ok   We are back together.   I love him   I can’t help it.   He’s sooooooooooooooooo damn sexy and his voice is awesome.

I suppose I could tell you that I finally got a complete physical and bloodwork done    My B-12 and vitamin D were low but otherwise I am ok.   My cholesterol is a little high, but not bad, just have to cut out down on the carbs.

I suppose I should tell you that my sister moved into her house.   She should be unpacked in about a year.  I think she forgot about the crap at my house.   I am giving her six months to get it out of here (yes, that’s a long time, but I know my sister)

My nephews started camp this week.   LN (Littler nephew) is in 2 shows that they are putting on.  NE (Nephew Elder) is doing something with music I believe.   They are so damn cute it’s hard to believe it.

My niece is still the cutest 5.5 year old I know.   She told me yesterday that she like my house because she gets chocolate milk for breakfast.    And Grandma and Grandpa’s because she can do whatever she wants there.

She needs to get the kitchen redone.  No let me re-phase, she is getting the kitchen redone.  So last Tuesday, the movers came and moved her stuff from the apt, to the house.  The house now has boxes everywhere and no kitchen.    It’s not livable.

So guess who has houseguests.     It’s a good thing her daughter is adorable.

Sorry if you don’t like it.

just a quick update to let you all know I am still alive.

I am still on a job hunt.  Unfortunately, finding a job in the salary range I NEED in order to live is very difficult.  I have the experience but no one is paying what I NEED.

I am having Chinese food for dinner.

Beer Her is this weekend  I am very excited to ck out all the different beers that This Place has   I plan on getting a good buzz going but I will eventually have to drive and don’t want to take the drunk train home so a buzz is all I am going for.

I am cutting down on my meds    as needed  I am staying on the Abillify at the strength prescribed but am cutting down on the Lexapro.

I have to call my brother and advise him that his discover bill is still coming to my house (actually I did that when I was typing it

Robin, Poppy and I are going to see The Backstreet Boys here It was Robin’s idea.   We just go along for the ride.

AND THAT’S ALL I HAVE GOING ON.

my brother found this.    he likes when kids cry.   he’s evil like that.

The middle kid is brilliant.    Watch her face.

On my end -  work still sucks.

School.  I have one more class after today – so I guess that means today and Thursday and that equals 2 classes since todays class hasn’t started yet.   Wait  it’s 6 pm I have 8 hours of school left.    Wheeeeeeeeee

My sister closed on her house.  She is getting the kitchen redone and hopefully will be moving w/in the month.  

I have a mouse.  I need to call the exterminator again.    I have to remember to look up the phone number.  I will forget by the time I hit save so if anyone reads this – tweet, fb me, email me, text me- somehow remind me I need to get the phone number. 

Work as I said still sucks but it also amuses me.  They try to make things better but it doesn’t work and it becomes an EPIC FAIL and I just sit and giggle silently to myself because they are so sure that it’s gonna work so well from day 1.    It never does.

and that’s it for me today.  maybe I will post again soon.  But probably not.

so to counteract my funk

You’re gonna grab yourself a banner. If you don’t like the one I’ve used in this post, you can find another one here.

2.) You’re gonna post that banner and then tell us all something that you really like love about yourself (thus, the “self-love” portion of our program).

3.) Ask or beg your readers to post one thing that they too love about you!!! If your blog friends are nice, you shouldn’t have to beg…much.

4.) Enjoy yourself and spread the love by doing this on your blog! If you want to, drop me a line or a trackback so that I know you participated too!

so  what do I love about myself.   Well I love that no matter what I keep doing.   I don’t want to do anything (depression remember) but I make myself move and go out.

now, tell me what you love about me.    Please and thank you.

Does he like me, Am I going to get fired, Will I get demoted and have to take a pay cut, Can I really meet Robbie Williams in a coffee shop when I don’t drink coffee and live in NJ, why can’t I meet him, does he like me.

Over and over the thoughts run around, never staying put, never staying for more then a second.

When I try to turn my brain off, I sit up and say, shut up shut up shut up. It’s 1 am time to sleep.

But sleep alludes me I think but next think I know it’s 3 am and I know I wasn’t awake.

Again I turn off my brain.   Then it’s 9 am

It’s blog reading time and time to turn on my brain again.